THE QUACK

The Quack is a comedy personal blog featuring real-life facepalm moments & muddled observations told by British women's fiction author Mary Newnham. Visit TheQuack.blog Follow Mary on @marynewnhamwrites.

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Episodes

Wednesday Oct 15, 2025

"I should have kids with names and a strong opinion on Peppa Pig, but somehow, at 34, I have found myself back in London..."
 
This week is about my move back to London as a 34-year-old. After leaving with a bad taste in my mouth at 26 (which inspired me to write a terrible poetry book), I never thought I'd come back to live in The Big Smoke, but here I am... maybe it's where I was supposed to be all along. 
 
 
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
Preorder | Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy
Follow | MaryNewnhamWrites
Sound | Soundstripe.com
 

Wednesday Oct 01, 2025

"Oh, Mary, Mary, Mary, how do you expect to be a published author if you can't even score a high grade on a short story?"
 
This week on The Quack, we continue the series 'The Story of Writing a Novel.' I head back to university to do a Master's in creative writing. There is a drama involving my Metamorphosis book and a sharp learning curve about verbs. 
 
Preorder Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy.
Visit | TheQuack.blog
Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Sound | Soundstripe.com
Link to Guardian article 
 

Wednesday Sep 17, 2025

 'That’s right, I thought in my haze, I have a boyfriend now.'
On this week's Quack, I celebrated my 34th birthday by taking my new boyfriend to his very first spa. Unfortunately, it was not the relaxing experience I had promised...
 
Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Visit | TheQuack.blog
Music | Soundstripe.com
CLICK HERE TO PRE-ORDER AMY ELMAN DOESN'T FEEL SEXY 

Wednesday Aug 27, 2025

This month has been a bit chaotic, so I will be returning on September 17th with more facepalm stories. Thank you guys! x

Wednesday Aug 13, 2025

It seemed barbaric, and yet, she was so casual about it, as if she were demonstrating how to season a chicken.
 
With the help of Reddit reviews, I'm choosing my next birth control method. This episode also includes some seriously great ideas for male contraceptives. 
 
If you want to know more about birth control, click here.
 
Skip Introduction| 2:04
Sound | soundstripe.com
Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
 
Pre-order my debut fiction book, AMY ELMAN DOESN'T FEEL SEXY, on Amazon. 
 

Wednesday Jul 30, 2025

"It would be called Can of Worms. Sunday Times Bestseller list, here I come."
 
In this first episode of the series, I am going back to the very beginning when I attempted my first novel. 
 
Skip Introduction | 2:21
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
Sound | Soundstripe.com
Preorder Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy on Amazon and other popular book stores. 

BILLBOARD DAD

Wednesday Jul 16, 2025

Wednesday Jul 16, 2025

I made the mistake of asking Dad, “But do billboards actually work?” I may as well have asked if Tottenham Hotspur was a synchronised swimming team.
 
This week is about growing up in an 80s advertising family and working out what my dad did for work. 
 
Skip Intro | 2:11
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Sound| Soundstripe.com

THE CATHOLIC SCHOOL PROM

Wednesday Jul 02, 2025

Wednesday Jul 02, 2025

"The turnout was 50 girls and 10 terrified boys..."
 
This week is a flashback to my 2010 school prom...which wasn't anything like the ones in the movies. 
 
Skip Introduction | 2:27
Follow me | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
Sound | Soundstripe.com
 
 

Wednesday Jun 18, 2025

"I then remembered it wasn't football, so these grown-ups could be trusted not to punch each other in the face..." 
 
I went to the rugby final on Saturday, which made me reflect on my football upbringing.
 
Skip Introduction | 2:05
Sound | Soundstripe.com
Follow | @marynewnhamwrites
Visit | TheQuack.blog
 

THE GREAT BRITISH BIRTHDAY

Wednesday Jun 04, 2025

Wednesday Jun 04, 2025

“STOP! I LEFT THE CHEESE!” We twisted around and punted back to the boathouse to collect the cheese. 🧀
 
It's Hermione's birthday, and this year we all went punting in Oxford. I made the mistake of getting in the wrong boat....
 
Skip Introduction | 1:38
Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrite
Read | TheQuack.Blog
Sound | Soundstripe.com
 

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