THE QUACK

The Quack is a comedy personal blog featuring real-life facepalm moments & muddled observations told by British women's fiction author Mary Newnham. Visit TheQuack.blog Follow Mary on @marynewnhamwrites.

Episodes

Sep 17, 2025

11 min

 'That’s right, I thought in my haze, I have a boyfriend now.'
On this week's Quack, I celebrated my 34th birthday by taking my new boyfriend to his very first spa. Unfortunately, it was not the relaxing experience I had promised...
 
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Music | Soundstripe.com
CLICK HERE TO PRE-ORDER AMY ELMAN DOESN'T FEEL SEXY 

Aug 27, 2025

26 sec

This month has been a bit chaotic, so I will be returning on September 17th with more facepalm stories. Thank you guys! x

Aug 13, 2025

9 min

It seemed barbaric, and yet, she was so casual about it, as if she were demonstrating how to season a chicken.
 
With the help of Reddit reviews, I'm choosing my next birth control method. This episode also includes some seriously great ideas for male contraceptives. 
 
If you want to know more about birth control, click here.
 
Skip Introduction| 2:04
Sound | soundstripe.com
Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
 
Pre-order my debut fiction book, AMY ELMAN DOESN'T FEEL SEXY, on Amazon. 
 

Jul 30, 2025

10 min

"It would be called Can of Worms. Sunday Times Bestseller list, here I come."
 
In this first episode of the series, I am going back to the very beginning when I attempted my first novel. 
 
Skip Introduction | 2:21
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Sound | Soundstripe.com
Preorder Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy on Amazon and other popular book stores. 

BILLBOARD DAD

Jul 16, 2025

Jul 16, 2025

8 min

I made the mistake of asking Dad, “But do billboards actually work?” I may as well have asked if Tottenham Hotspur was a synchronised swimming team.
 
This week is about growing up in an 80s advertising family and working out what my dad did for work. 
 
Skip Intro | 2:11
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Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Sound| Soundstripe.com

Jul 2, 2025

9 min

"The turnout was 50 girls and 10 terrified boys..."
 
This week is a flashback to my 2010 school prom...which wasn't anything like the ones in the movies. 
 
Skip Introduction | 2:27
Follow me | @MaryNewnhamWrites
Visit | TheQuack.Blog
Sound | Soundstripe.com
 
 

Jun 18, 2025

9 min

"I then remembered it wasn't football, so these grown-ups could be trusted not to punch each other in the face..." 
 
I went to the rugby final on Saturday, which made me reflect on my football upbringing.
 
Skip Introduction | 2:05
Sound | Soundstripe.com
Follow | @marynewnhamwrites
Visit | TheQuack.blog
 

Jun 4, 2025

9 min

“STOP! I LEFT THE CHEESE!” We twisted around and punted back to the boathouse to collect the cheese. 🧀
 
It's Hermione's birthday, and this year we all went punting in Oxford. I made the mistake of getting in the wrong boat....
 
Skip Introduction | 1:38
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Read | TheQuack.Blog
Sound | Soundstripe.com
 

MY RETURN TO HINGE

May 21, 2025

May 21, 2025

10 min

"I was biting into my vegetable kebab when I received a message from the Hinge bloke. I read the top line and rolled my eyes..."
 
It's been over a year since I've been on Hinge, but I'm now back on the dating horse. This is the story of my first online dating experience of 2025. 
 
Skip Introduction | 1:50
Read | TheQuack.blog
Follow | @marynewnhamwrites
Sound | Soundstripe.com
 

May 7, 2025

13 min

"I did wonder, as I was walking around the Eiffel Tower in a red dress, whether, perhaps, I had watched too many movies..."
 
This week on The Quack, I reflect on the face-palm moments from my recent girls' trip to France. Includes a desperate scene of me trying to create a romantic moment by the Eiffel Tower, a game of charades with the Airbnb host, and an AI song about tariffs.
 
Skip Introduction| 2:09
Follow me|  @MaryNewnhamWrites
Visit | TheQuack.blog
Sound | Soundstripe.com

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