THE QUACK

The Quack is a comedy personal blog featuring real-life facepalm moments & muddled observations told by British women's fiction author Mary Newnham. Visit TheQuack.blog Follow Mary on @marynewnhamwrites.

Episodes

Sep 18, 2024

9 min

"No meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy…. and no friends..."
The awkward date chats and funny restaurant scenarios, when you're a people-pleasing-plant-based-person. 
 
Skip into (2:12)
 
Read | TheQuack.Blog
Music and soundtrack credit | Soundstripe.com

THIRTY-THREE

Sep 11, 2024

Sep 11, 2024

8 min

"What is that strange ticking noise?"
 
The week I turned thirty-three—A Barbie nightmare, a hot tub chat. beans, and forcing my friends to wear crowns. 
 
Skip Introduction (2:00)
Soundtrack and sound effects - Soundstripe.com

Sep 4, 2024

10 min

You sit on the edge of the shelf waiting for Helen to return….
 
A muddled observation about when your friend falls in love and leaves you on the shelf.
 
(Skip me babbling on. 3:28)
 
Soundtrack and sound effects: Soundstripe.com
Visit www.TheQuack.blog

Aug 28, 2024

8 min

"All we needed was for one of us to know how to play acoustic guitar and for Dad to tell stories about what it means to be a man… " 
Skip Intro/Me talking about a UFO sighting. (2:40)
 
Twenty years ago, Mum booked a Californian ranch in an attempt to make us more wholesome....but it didn't quite work out. 🍪
 
Sound Credit: Soundstripe.com
 
 

Aug 21, 2024

11 min

"The stadium was full of 91,998 screaming Swifties, plus Amy and Hermione."
 
A facepalm moment about the time I went to the Taylor Swift concert, with my non-swiftie friends.
 
SKIP INTRO 4:00
 
Soundtrack and sound effects | www.soundstripe.com
Visit www.TheQuack.blog
 

Aug 14, 2024

8 min

As we walked out of the garage beneath the starry autumn night, I began to think of what to say when Carrot confessed his love to me. 🥕❤️
 
A story about a friendship that began half a lifetime ago when Carrot had something to say. Includes a great escape.
 
Skip introduction: 2:12
 
Music/Sound Effects: Soundstripe.com

Aug 7, 2024

10 min

There is something about meeting someone in transit...
 
Stories about finding near-love on transport, featuring the true story of when Sausage met a man on a bus from D.C. to NYC, and when I shared a taxi with a stranger. 
 
(You can play a drinking game with the amount of times I say, 'meet cute').
 
SKIP INTRODUCTION: 2:26
 
Music and sound effects | Soundstripe.com
Visit | TheQuack.blog
Email | Mary@thequack.blog

Jul 31, 2024

9 min

"The husband looked like a friendly neighbour - the type of man who would rigorously hoover his car mats on a Sunday morning...."
 
Three embarrassing encounters with some of the greatest sportsmen; George Best,  Lawrence Dallaglio, and Justin Rose. 
 
SKIP INTRO: 1:45
 
Soundtrack and Sound Effects: Soundstripe.com
Visit the blog: THEQUACK.BLOG
 
 

Jul 24, 2024

8 min

“I’m very into mature women,” he said. I looked behind one shoulder, and then the other, and realised he was talking about me.
 
The night I realised I was seen as a 'mature woman', and a muddled observation about age gaps in relationships.
 
SKIP INTRO: 2:38.
 
Soundtrack and sound effects: Soundstripe.com
Visit THEQUACK.BLOG. 

Jul 17, 2024

9 min

...A fan would whack the table in a rhythm, prompting everyone to shout ‘ENGLAND!’  It wasn't exactly Les Misérables, but it did the job.
 
If the day of the Euro Final was a musical...
 
SKIP INTRO: 2:07
 
Song credits: www.Soundstripe.com

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